Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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