MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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