do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
