I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
