LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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