My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
