So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't think brook has ever known best
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
