She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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