No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize