Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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