i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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