i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
