And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
