I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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