Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
