I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
