I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just puked most of my soul out..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
