just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
