I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
