we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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