You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Text me some of your sweat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
