Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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