she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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