You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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