i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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