I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
