No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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