i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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