I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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