we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
