why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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