Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
