Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
