Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
