I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
