His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
