You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
