I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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