The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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