Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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