I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
