put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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