thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
