It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
