I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
