Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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