I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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