yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
