Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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