dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
