My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
