If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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