funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm like, not good at living.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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