At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i drank out of a bidet.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
