Sry I called you an 8
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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