so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
