Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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