She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
