I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
