found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
