That's intense
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
