she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
