I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
