It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
